Intimacy in relationships is such a tough thing to maintain when you are in a long term relationship AND when you have children hanging off you throughout the day. We all have super busy days with lots of hustle and bustle. Often times those things that feel good in the relationships take a back seat. I hear couples say they have no time for date night or to have sex. They are too exhausted or stressed to take time to invest in their relationship. If this has happened to you then please hear the following warning: your relationship will not last long if this happens frequently and persistently.
Relationships are either always growing or dying. And it is up to each partner to see it grow. My husband has referred to it as a fragile ecosystem. In any ecosystem you have to tend to each aspect of it to see it thrive.
Today I am going to offer (hopefully) simple solutions to increase intimacy in your relationship. Some of these things you can initiate on your own and some of them you and your partner might want to commit to doing together.
1. Keep in touch throughout the day.
Even if its a short, fun, or flirtatious text expressing how you feel. You and your partner are full of daily stress. Make sure you are associated with positive feelings. These texts can be simple, such as “thinking of how much I love you” or “I can’t wait for you to get home” or “I’m looking forward to…”.
2. Commit to having a face-to-face 10 minute conversation everyday.
Keep the subject on the positive aspects of your relationship, things you are looking forward to doing together, and all the things you appreciate your partner does. Make sure you make eye contact and even try sitting in close proximity to one another (without a kid between you!).
3. Touch base once a week to see if there is anything your partner needs from you.
This might feel awkward but can be so nice to feel the support of your partner and to offer support to them. This is a really simple question like, “Is there anything you need from me as we head into a busy week?” or it can be more specific, “Do you need be to do anything to prepare for the birthday party.” Showing this support emotionally will transfer well to intimacy =)
4. Do one spontaneous thing together at least once a month.
And to do this set aside time to be spontaneous, such as scheduling a babysitter for a Saturday and see what new and different things you can do and try. Last Saturday my husband and I did this. We ended up going to a local concert and had a blast. Remember, not everything has to be so scheduled.
5. Act when you are inspired.
Express love and affection when you feel inspired. This is when we are at our BEST because it is genuine. This morning I heard a song on my run which made me think of my husband. When I got home I gave him a nice sweaty hug because I felt inspired to show him love. I think it was noticed=)
All of these things are based on the premise that you GET what you GIVE. Unhappiness is not what you are missing but what you are not giving. I find if you want more intimacy in your relationship then you have to start giving it. If I want my husband to kiss me everyday when he gets home (thankfully he already does this) then I have to start kissing him back or initiating a kiss.
Keep these things in mind when you are trying to enhance intimacy in your relationship.